Claudia's Critique of Don't Call it a Comeback by Josh Nuckolls

Claudia’s Critique of” Don’t Call it a Comeback” by Josh Nucholls
Brief Summary: Josh writes a sad tale of an Afican-American man who had the American Dream but lost everything when he couldn’t fight in the MMA anymore. Danny Robbins turned to crime to make fast money and lost his life in so doing, leaving behind a girlfriend and twin boys. He put a huge diamond ring from the robbery in a stuffed bear which his wife found, which would be used to support the boys.
Response: I liked that Josh wrote of a different race and used realistic dialogue to keep true to his characters. Some of this language,however, was shocking to the reader. The storyline was creative and has real potential. I felt sorry for Danny’s boys. It was sad that the only solution to Danny’s problems was to resort to robbing a jewelry store. Not very uplifting.
Areas/Focus for revision: The stereotypes pop out at the reader and I am wondering if that was intentional. Would Danny have said to his son,”cut that shit out”? The language did shock me, but maybe that was purposeful.
Josh, an interesting story that moved along.
Thanks-Claudia