heidi's response to Patrick's story

“On the Eve of His Departure”
This story seems to have a lot of potential. The dialogue moves the action along, and it predominantly shows rather than tells, which keeps the reader interested. The characters seem unique, and it would be intriguing to develop them even further. The intimate and comfortable relationship that Mark and Justine have is made evident through their actions, and the specific details about each character adds to the believability of the story. There did seem to be an overuse of “sugar” and “darling,” and it became rather annoying after a bit. It’s also not clear how Mark develops and/or changes, nor is it clear what exactly the point of the story is. Nevertheless, what’s there does make the reader want to find out more about the characters.