Claudia's Critique of Patrick's Story

Critique of Patrick’s Story: On the Eve of His Departure
Brief Summary: Justine and Mark are lovers who seem to need each other for very different reasons. She is older than Mark by 4 years and has taken on a mothering role with him. Mark is a confused young man attempting to pursue and complete his education. He is leaving her to move to Maine where his father lives. He is conflicted about his life and it’s meaning.
Response: I liked the dialogue especially when Mark was questioning his life; “Is this what people do? Do they do things anyway?” Patrick really gets the sense of confusion and lack of a sense of self that Mark has about his life when he asks Justine,” Will I be OK Justine?” Mark seems unable to remain in a stable relationship or commit to anything long term as he has been in Oklahoma, Portland and now is moving onto Maine. He seems to want to get his degree but he lacks sustainability. Mark’s character comes across as a tortured young man without a clear direction in his life. He tries to do the right thing, but gets lost along the way. I liked the references to books and poems, it brought depth to the story.
Areas to focus on for revision: It was not clear what the nature of the relationship was and why Justine was with him. He didn’t seem to bring much to the relationship as he was a heavy drinker, probably an alcoholic and a pot smoker who had difficulty pleasing her sexually. Justine had a real problem with his drinking and I didn’t know if he had always been a heavy drinker or if it had escalated. She had met his parents at some time and I wondered when that would have been and why she met them. I would have liked to know more about Justine and how they met.
An enjoyable read.
Thanks-Claudia