Claudia's Critique of Priscilla's Story-The Glass Box

Claudia's Critique of Priscilla's Story-The Glass Box
Brief Summary: This is a story of a 16y.o teenage girl named Shaundra who was court ordered to go to a therapist, Dr. Strolhman, to be evaluated for her mental status. Shaundra had faced some losses at the age of 12, her best friend died, parents divorced and Grandpa George died. She turned to a life of rebellion, sex and drugs. The story revolves around the relationship she is starting to form with the therapist.
Response: There was a lot to like about this story. The therapist was unique in her style/approach and that helped Shaundra start to like and trust her. The therapist had an aura about her that left the reader wondering if she had some kind of special power. She was kind yet firm and that appealed to Shaundra. The glass box had odd trinkets that made me wonder what they all meant and where she got them. There were some really good descriptive sentences like,”Her heart was hard, her attitude cold, and her mind dark” that went to her state of mind. I thought the dialogue was realistic except when the doctor told her about her father getting “turned on” by her mother getting mad at him.
Areas to focus on for revision: Although the descriptions were detailed, they sometimes slowed the story down. I got caught up in the imagery and forgot the storyline. I wanted to know more about Shaundra’s past and how she wound up court ordered to a therapist. I know she did drugs and had sex, but what exactly got her there? Dr. Strohlman said she knew Shaundra was intelligent, but there was nothing to base that on considering her lack of conversation with the therapist. Would like to know more about Shaundra’s past. For a 16y.o to know about Baja, I wanted to know if she had been there or had studied about it. Overall an entertaining story.
Thanks-Claudia