Carr's Review of Andrew's Poems

To: Andrew
From: Carr

Re: “Anytime Is a Good Time” and “Poetry Queen”

Andrew,

There are things working well here in both your poems, “Anytime Is a Good Time” and “Poetry Queen.” First, I like that you have tried to write outside of the mould in “Anytime.” It’s good to see something a little different. And these two poems are very different from each other in some respects. “Poetry” is a love poem, of course, while “Anytime” I would call a political poem.

OK. So there are a couple of things I think work very well in “Anytime.” First is the line, “We’re all foaming at the mouth for something real. That’s a good idea for a poem: we’re all going through a fake life, being used in some way by forces we can’t control – and maybe don’t want to control. So we need to wake up, and “walk off the edge of the earth.” That’s good.
So what to work on here? The first thing is I would advise you to be more specific. Give us some examples of the things we are saying, doing, etc, that make us blind. Listen to Gil Scott Heron’s poem/song, “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” for an example of that. Being more specific will also help you avoid passages like the one starting “Well, we all joke…” and ending with “context is so boring anyway.” I have a vague sense of what you’re trying to say there, but it’s a very unclear passage. Work on saying what you mean directly.

All right. On to “Poetry Queen.” I really like the way this poem starts. The opening line is very evocative – maybe because it is specific and puts us in a scene. We’re in bed next to a lover. Good. Then you have “write me a poem about your mother.” That line is very nice, perhaps one of the best this semester. It has great rhythm and takes us into an unexpected, slightly quirky place. A great way to lead into a poem. From there, though, the poem loses a little steam for me. After the mother poem line, I wanted this to be a poem about the kinds of poems the Poetry Queen writes. I want to know what she would say that would turn you on, that would comfort you, that would make you feel alive. This poem has a lot of love in it – that kind of powerful love that makes you want to “just leave tonight.” That’s the kind of love to write about in a poem for sure. So try to tap into that more by taking us into the scene with you, by showing us the poetry and the Queen, both.

All right. Good luck with these, Andrew. They have much potential. See me with questions.
CK