Carr's Review of Tierra's Poems

Tierra,

After reading these a few times, I see a connection between these two poems. Both seem to be focused on the choices that people make. In the poem “Choices” those decisions seem to be those of the poet, but in the other piece the poet seems to be trying to understand the choices that her mother made. That’s very interesting, and eventually the two poems might go well together.

OK. In “No Apologies” the narrator seems to be struggling to come to grips with the loss of her mother, even though (or maybe especially because) her mother lived a not so reputable life. Her mother “love[d] money and semen/ everyman I face is leaving but my body pleasing.” Those are powerful lines, and coupled with the questions at the end – “What went wrong did you bite off more than you can chew?” – indicate the struggle. The poet asks these “Just to see if I’m just like you.” That’s a great situation to write about, the search for answers from a dead parent who we both love and resent. Very good.
There is one primary thing holding this poem back at the moment, and that is the presentation in terms of clarity. There are way too many lines here that don’t make sense, beginning with the first one. Go through this, Tierra, and look at all the lines. Have somebody else read it to you word for word. You’ll start to see the trouble spots. In addition, I think this poem could be tightened. Look at two sections of your poem, from “Cuz that aids full blown” to “no apologies” on the first page and “But I try to understand” to “no apologies” on the second. Those are the tightest (though still not tight enough), and you should strive for one more section like that – with that rhythm and texture. Most of the rest is just fluff. This needs to have a tight nap so it can stick.

All right. “Choices” is similar in one respect – it also takes a while to get into the groove. Here the groove comes with the line “The choices we have are the choices we provide” and continues to the end of the poem. I suggest you begin with that line – or with your current opening line – and then add a few lines at the end. Tell us what you choose to do. Right now the lines that come before the “provide” line are fluff. They are cliché and don’t mean anything. Get me to the real stuff. Get me to the poetry.

OK. You’ve got some good instincts, Tierra. Try to bring the execution up to the level of the ideas. See me with questions. Good luck.
CK