Carr's Review of Kathleen's story 9/22

To: Kathleen
From: Carr
Re: “Self Portrait”
Kathleen,
There are a number of things working here in your story of a young painter and his journey to find his place in the world, “Self Portrait.” For one thing, the story has a definite sense of movement. Brian starts the story not having finished anything. At the end, he has finished this important (to him) piece. Good. You’ve also got some details here that show you have imagined his life to a certain degree. My favorite is the description of one of his paintings: “half a man walking half a dog through three quarters of a city.” That’s good.
All right. So here are some things to think about for revision. First, the main piece that is missing right now, I think is the answer to the question, “What does Brian want?” In getting there, I think it will be important to reveal Brian’s artistic background and direction. Is he self taught? What kind of work does he do? What are his goals for his art? What does he think about his art? What does it mean to him, how does it make him who he is?
Second, I think you would do well to have Brian interact with people more. When he is talking to his boss, a side of him emerges that we hadn’t seen before – a humorous streak. I’d like to get to know him better, and a good way to do that might be to have him deal with people.
OK. So think about those couple of things and I think you will be on your way to really discovering who this character is and why he is important to you. Good luck and see me with questions.