heidi's response to Lena's poems

Bad Dream”
...describes a girl watching her first love die of cancer and her reaction to his eventual death. There is some good use of descriptive language, such as “Flooding away part of me” and the general description of the dead body. The best line was “His faith helped him travel on in bittersweet surrender of(to?) the end.” Some of the images created are strong and impact the reader in a powerful way; other images, however, are unclear and rather confusing, as it is not clear what the intent is, such as “Tears keep falling like streams with outstretched roots.” Also, there are spots where there is no transition and it is not clear how or why one line follows the next. One other aspect that could use some work is in continuity. Sometimes a blunt, literal description of the boy’s condition is inserted and it seems out of place because most of the description is figurative.


“Intoxication by Nature”...explains the pleasure and joy the speaker gets from connecting with and being part of Nature. The title itself is quite evocative and does a good job of capturing the intent of the poem. There is a very sensual feel to many of the descriptions, which helps in the creation of more vivid images. Lines such as “I’m lost and don’t want to find my way back” and “I fantasize the intricate landscapes of your body” emphasize the importance of Nature to the speaker and show her desire to mesh with Nature and become part of it. A suggestion for this poem is to make sure that the images and intent of the images is clear—don’t simply put together words that sound good if they don’t completely make sense. In general, make sure that how you intend a line is also the way it comes across to the reader.