Carr's Review of Takira's Poems 9/15

To: Takira
From: Carr
Re: “My Serenity” and “”Bleeding Heart”
Takira,
Your two poems here, “My Serenity” and “”Bleeding Heart,” are an interesting mix. The first is clearly a love poem, while the second is a straight up political poem, a call to action as it were. Good.
OK. “My Serenity” is what I would call an unrequited love poem. The object of the author’s desire is a person who doesn’t share the same feelings. This can be a powerful state, and you allude to that power by choosing words like “addicted” and “rehab.” That’s good. I’d like to see you use that metaphor (or another one like it) throughout the poem – to extend the metaphor. Perhaps you could show how one person becomes addicted to the other, by describing the process that has taken place. Along the way try to use some real details and examples. That might work well. Show the addiction in all its craziness. That might be a nice juxtaposition to the title.
The other poem, “Bleeding Heart,” plays on the idea of the bleeding heart liberal, but in this case the liberal seems a little angry, too. That’s good. The emotion runs hot here, and it really comes out in lines like, “Who has to be walked over because she is told she will never have what it takes.” Good. Here, though, I’d like to see a little more specificity in the conditions you are deploring. To see examples of this, read or listen to Gil Scott Heron. He is the master of using poetry to call attention to injustice.
All right. Good luck with these. Let me know if you have questions.