heidi's response to Takira's poems

“My Serenity” is about the author’s romantic longing for someone who doesn’t seem to have any romantic feelings for her. In an attempt to bring in the reader, the poem begins with questions, and this can be a good way of bringing the reader into the writer’s world. There is some evocative imagery that has a pleasant and positive effect on the reader’s senses and contributes to the understanding of the author’s strong feelings for the person she’s writing about. The word ‘serenity’ has a strong presence in and of itself, and it would benefit the poem were that word to be worked in more frequently. Both the sound of the word and the simple repetition of it would reinforce the overall intent of the poem. The poem does seem to wander and lose itself in musings that don’t always contribute to a particular point. Also, the questions, though a good idea, are rather cliché, which doesn’t contribute to inviting the reader in as much as they could. Questions that might be more effective would be ones that provoke the reader and make him think. The reader would be enticed to continue reading if his curiosity is piqued.

“Bleeding Heart” is the author’s insight into much of the suffering that goes on in this world that many people may not be aware of. There are some powerful images and thought-provoking situations mentioned. The last stanza is a clean finish and ties up the poem nicely. The first five stanzas tend to be repetitive, however, which takes away from the strength of some of the images presented and causes it to become somewhat predictable. Using fewer examples, choosing only the most impactful, would probably increase the effectiveness of the poem’s point. Be careful of some of the rhymes as well, as they sometimes seem forced.