“The Churchies”
The premise of this story seems unique and the idea of these girls being called ‘Churchies’ is interesting. The story itself has potential, but it needs to be fleshed out tremendously. The main issue is that it’s all exposition--all telling and no showing. It loses my attention after the second paragraph because it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. There is no way to distinguish any of the characters and no significant conflict develops. Much more description, character development, and conflict need to be added.
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